Trust

TRUST

You don’t trust me and I know it. You offer me small bits of information to appease my curiosity but I am still on the outside looking in. I can’t decide if I am part of some inside joke or if you don’t see my place in all of it.


I can’t say I blame you. I know I don’t make relationships easy. I spend my time structuring my life to make it all work and it can’t be easy to live within it. I know I don’t say much. I gave up trying to prove my worth a long time ago. Maybe if I thought it would work, I would try harder.


But I am so emotionally invested and I am scared of disappointment. I wish I could explain myself. Offer yet another apology for being too much or maybe not enough. But it would lack context.


You wouldn’t understand the inner turmoil that takes place after every interaction. I constantly question my place in every situation. Have I over stepped? Have I given my share? I never know.


So the uncertainty leads to anxiety which eventually leads to withdrawal. And I see it happening again. I want to change it but it takes a hold of me and I protect myself.