Summoned

SUMMONED

I yelled at another woman yesterday. We were volunteering together and she kept saying my name over and over again like I was on call and meant to follow every time I heard her. I tried distancing myself and staying busy with other things. I started expressing frustrations and explaining I was in the middle of something else and would come over when I was free.

But I was pushed too far past a boundary and I needed it to stop- immediately. So I yelled. I was going to do my thing and she could do hers. Granted, this was across a room of 50 people and everyone stopped to listen. I have never been subtle.

She came up to me later because she wanted to form a "game-plan" moving forward so I would follow her instructions. "No," I said. "We will not have a game plan. There was no need to talk. We will do our own thing." She left me alone after that, and we went about our time.

I enjoyed the rest of the day. But I did leave reflecting on my accountability in the situation. I can't help but wonder what triggered my strong reaction.

I have not been summoned like that in a long time. A time when I was a child and not allowed to say no or not follow. So maybe yesterday was for my younger self and all the times I wanted to stand up for myself, but the consequences were too great.

What if this is my time to prove to myself that things have changed and the adult I am today does have the power to decide how people treat me and say no when a boundary is crossed?